What would it be like?

          I love my babies. I wouldn't change them for anything. They are amazing, loving, sweet, adorable, smart, and just plain cute! The fact that they both have a speech disorder doesn't affect who they are but I believe has a part in forming their personalities.
          I do wonder though, what would it be like to have kids that talk? What would they be like if they didn't have Apraxia? Would they still be as close to me? Would other people stop looking at me with confusion and judgment when they can't understand what Doodle Bug just said to them? Would daily life move easier if we didn't have to figure out the new sign language Peanut is trying to teach us?

Doodle Bug

          Doodle Bug is doing amazing in his speech class. Non-family members are able to understand him about 50% of the time now. His teacher still has to ask what he said. Hubby even has to tell him to tell me what he said so I can interpret for him. I am still the one who understands him the best. Even though sometimes we have to play the, "Act it out or show me" game! Sometimes he gets so frustrated and it hurts to see him try so hard and get so exhausted. On occasion I've spent over half an hour working with him to understand what he's trying to tell me. But even though he struggles with it so much, I love that he doesn't see himself as different than his peers. His best friend has a speech delay as well so I think it helps him to not feel alone.

Peanut

          Peanut on the other hand, wow. She doesn't even want to try 9 times out of 10. She relies on her signs. She will take my hand and take me to what she needs. She says less than 20 words, and doesn't form sentences. She doesn't say mama. And it breaks my heart. She calls me, hubby and grandma all 'dada'. She does say bubba however and that warms my heart. She gets mad so quickly because she can't communicate her needs. She cries a lot, not because she didn't get her way, which most outsiders think, but because she can't figure out how to tell me what she needs. Hubby doesn't understand her signs a lot of the time which makes her mad too.
          Even through the daily struggle I don't feel sorry for us. I am lucky to have my wonderful little bundles of love. They cuddle with me and fall asleep on me. They want me to carry them or tuck them in at night. They run and play. They come to me when they get hurt and run off as soon as they get boo-boo kisses. They make me laugh and cry tears of joy and amazement. And if the future children we have are giving this trait, bring it on. I'm ready.